The Iglu Guide | Blog
How to deal with a bad flatmate
Uni flatmates come in all shape and sizes, and there’s no way of predicting in advance how that’s going to play out in your shared student accommodation. Once the initial house-sharing honeymoon period has worn off, it’s completely normal for some relationship cracks to slowly start to appear. And whilst no student wants to have to deal with a bad flatmate – especially as they might be a far fetch from the perfect student housemate you were expecting – they might have some other amazing qualities that you can learn to appreciate over time! But if you find yourself constantly complaining about a certain someone in your house, and negative housemate issues have taken over your life, here’s some strategies that will help you handle the situation and stay sane and Zen in the process.
Communication
When it comes to the Golden Rules of house sharing, this really is the single most important advice to remember. People often don’t realise their behaviour is a problem to others until someone points it out. And it only takes a gentle conversation for them to get the memo, and make some changes. Having a chat and talking through any issues really should be your go-to option, before the situation escalates in any way. Remember, any discontent between housemates will affect the entire student household, and this should be avoided at all costs.
Top tip: Try and set up a friendly conversation and explain your point of view in a calm and collected manner. Take their opinions on board and talk to other housemates to see if you are alone in your thoughts, or whether they have any other views or advice worth considering.
Try to find common ground
If one of your housemates is proving more than a little irritating, try and look for some common ground where you could make some positive headway in the relationship. It might be that you have similar taste in music, film or politics – or that you laugh at the same memes or eat the same foods. If there are any cultural differences, use this as an opportunity to learn something new and embrace the experience.
Top tip: If you fail to find any commonalities, think about asking another housemate to mediate a discussion and find a solution that works for all.
Avoid hanging out
This might feel somewhat drastic, but if all your efforts to resolve the issues are unsuccessful, one way to regain household harmony is to avoid a certain person’s company. Focus on hanging out with friends that make you feel good, and that have a positive effect on your wellbeing. Housemates can cause a lot of stress, and it’s important to recognise when it’s all getting too much. When you feel the heat rising, take the opportunity to go for a walk, or get some fresh air. Leaving the space will shake up the dynamic and you’ll definitely feel better for it.
Top tip: If you have tried to get along and nothing seems to be working, talk to your Resident Leader and investigate the possibility of swapping rooms.
Establish rules and boundaries
Setting up some agreed house rules as soon as you all move in together will get everyone off on the right foot – and help to highlight any unacceptable behaviours. As a household, you can decide how you want to manage any joint responsibilities such as cleaning and common areas and decide what the level of expectation should be around noise, tidiness and guests. A regular household meeting is a great way to discuss any ongoing issues:
- Allocate joint tasks using a weekly roster
- Use a house kitty for any shared items such as loo roll and cleaning products
- Set up a household WhatsApp group
- Organise a cleaning rota – so there’s really no hiding!
Top tip: Make sure you keep up your end of the agreement, particularly if you have a quibble with someone else. The roster never lies!
Make compromises
As much as you may feel 100% convinced you are in the right, it never hurts to look for compromises when you’re not getting along with a housemate. For some students, this could be the first time living away from home, and there may be some underlying worries that are contributing to certain behaviours. Talk to other students who may be experiencing similar problems to let off steam – this can often be just enough to help you get through.
Top tip: Look for alternative ways to manage recurring problems. If there is an issue with disappearing food, try keeping some in your room if possible. If there’s a problem with noise or cleanliness, look for ways to show tolerance where possible.
Stand your ground
Sometimes, a housemate’s behaviour can be so difficult that there’s no avoiding a conversation. This might range from consistent noise disruption, to leaving the kitchen full of dirty dishes. No student should have to feel like they are compromising all the time in their own home – particularly if it affects your sleep patterns or your ability to work. In these scenarios, it’s important to address the issues calmly and openly, and you have every right to expect a change in behaviour.
Top tip: Talk to your housemate within a communal setting such as a house meeting. Avoid being confrontational or using WhatsApp to make any accusations where the written tone can be misconstrued.
Use available resources
All Iglu buildings have an onsite Resident Leader who is on hand to help with any queries or disputes. Students can also contact their university counselling service for tips and advice. Housing conflict is a very common occurrence, and leaning in on some emotional support can be a great help.
Top tip: Use the experience to make better arrangements for next year. Move in with friends you already know, or live by yourself so there’s never any surprises.
Focus on you
When life gets you down and you’re feeling stressed, it’s important to take some time out for self-care, whatever that may look like. Prioritising your mental health is key to your university experience, from eating the right diet through to getting enough sleep and exercise. For some students, getting out into the fresh air is the tonic they need. For others it might be seeing friends, or taking some time out for mindfulness activities. Know what works for you and make it your superpower.
Top tip: When you’re feeling stressed, try some of these suggestions to get yourself back on track.
